The Midwestern Queer Wedding

The Radical and Rebellious Act of saying ‘I Do’

When most people think of weddings, the word rebellion is probably not on their mind. For many people, the act of marrying your best friend is a special, albeit somewhat common place, next step in the evolution of their relationship. You pick a date, you choose a venue, you say yes to the dress or invest in a fancy suit, you invite your friends and family, and you celebrate together. But for LGBTQIA+ celebrations, especially a Midwestern queer wedding, there are more than a few additional factors to consider.

What happens if the government won’t allow you to marry each other? What happens if the family who raised you is no longer the family who holds you? What happens if the venue won’t host you, the DJ won’t play your favorite songs, or the baker won’t make the cake you’ve been dreaming of?

For queer couples, getting married isn’t simply a next step, it’s a well thought out and calculated decision made based on location, support, comfortability, and politics. It’s not a given and, occasionally, not an option. And when we start to make decisions despite political climate, dissent and religious fervor, we enter a space of courage and rebellion. Getting married is not just an act of love, but a radical action in the name of a brighter and bolder future.

If you’re a part of the LGBTQIA+ community and are embarking on the journey of throwing a Midwestern queer wedding here are some things to help soften to process and ensure you’re going to be fully seen and treated with love and respect, no matter where you get married.

• Look for outspoken support of the queer community on social pages and website.
  • This can include queer couples in their portfolio, rainbow flags in bios or on websites, captions or tag lines regarding their level of support and asking for pronouns in the contact form. All these actions (the more the better) are a surefire sign that this vendor is ready to support your fully on your big day.

• Look for other forms of diversity in artist portfolios besides Midwestern queer weddings.
  • Beyond showing queer couples, are they also showing support to different diverse communities? If you don’t see plus sized couples, Black and brown clients, weddings of different monetary value, or cultural weddings or events, it may be worth examining further to verify those points of intersectionality.

• Create an atmosphere of support and love.
  • You do not, I repeat, DO NOT have to invite people who don’t fully support you to your wedding. There is no rule book you need to follow, especially one demanded by blood. Kindness extends further than familial relationships, and if that means chosen family only, then so be it. Don’t let anyone guilt you into compromising your comfort on a day meant to celebrate you and your partner.

• Customize every bit of your day and brush off traditions that don’t serve you.
  • You are beholden to no one. Your Midwestern queer wedding can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to get ready together, then appreciate the alone time before your busy day. If you want to walk down the aisle together, pick your favorite song and boogie on down! If you want to join your cocktail hour, let your photographer know, and they can adjust the schedule to allow for it. No bouquet, no garter, no cake, no plated meal, no problem! When you close your eyes and envision your day, you should follow your heart and do whatever brings you the most joy.

• Say the quiet part out loud.
  • Do not let anyone tone down your pride! If you want to have rainbows, drag queens, gender non-conforming outfits, a major dance party, or any other queer coded details, let them rip! We so often get caught up in the idea that a wedding needs to be a clean and pressed formal event when it’s, actually, whatever type of party sounds the best to you and your chosen family! If colorful fits, rainbow spoke bombs, multi-colored confetti, paper flowers, Chuck Taylor’s, and an ice cream truck sounds more like you, then LEAN IN! There’s nothing wrong with living your truth loud and proud.

And remember, if none of this sounds like you, signing papers at the courthouse on a weekday afternoon, heading to a fancy dinner, popping a bottle of champagne on a mountaintop, or renting an Airbnb in the woods for private bows are all options. If a big Midwestern queer wedding itself is too traditional or stress inducing, you can go ahead and cut that too.

In a world that demands so much energy from queer people, find ways to reinvigorate yourself through an act of love that feels authentic and validating. Rebel against the systems that seek to keep us small by living fully and embracing your truth.

If you’re planning a Midwestern queer wedding and need a safe place to land, we are here for you 100% of the way.

Katherineelysemedia.com
kate@lovekemedia.com
Check out our Midwestern Queer Wedding investment page here!